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(english translation below)

Nogle gange ville jeg ønske, at man lærte mere om, hvordan det er, at have et fuldtidsjob, mens man er under uddannelse. Jo vidst har man praktikforløb på de fleste videregående uddannelser, men der findes ligesom bare ikke rigtig nogen manual for, hvordan man sådan for alvor træder ind i voksenlivet. Men selvfølgelig er det “learning by doing”, og det i sig selv, er jo virkelig givende, lærerigt og effektivt. Men også hårdt. Personligt synes jeg det har været – og er – en hård rejse, at skulle gå igennem. Heldigvis har jeg gode, kærlige mennesker omkring mig, et godt job og især min kæreste er en kæmpe støtte. Vi gennemgår begge mange af de samme ting, især fordi vi begge har en fortid som anbragte børn, og forinden da har oplevet nogle ting, der bare gør dét der med, at håndtere voksenlivet lidt sværere.

Man behøver ikke have haft en svær barndom for, at synes det er svært at blive voksen. Jeg er sikker på mange der har haft en mere almindelig og tryg barndom sagtens kan relatere til det. Kan huske at jeg læste en artikel engang, hvor der stod at rigtig mange unge (kvinder) i dag oplever, at få en mindre “krise” midt i 20’erne. Jeg går selv jævnligt til terapeut/coach, og det har jeg gjort siden foråret 2016. Hvor tit jeg tager afsted svinger lidt, men det er typisk ca. hver 2. måned eller bare når jeg har brug for det. Min terapeut hjælper mig til, at “komme op til overfladen” og trække vejret dybt ned i maven på de dage, hvor jeg synes alt er ekstra hårdt. Når jeg har været afsted er jeg altid fuld af fornyet energi, og føler mig klar til, at tage et træk mere. At hænge i, og stole lidt mere på mig selv. Så en coach eller terapeut kan virkelig anbefales, uanset hvilken baggrund du har – det er bare så rart at have en person, som kan holde dig i hånden, og vejlede dig på en helt anden måde end nogen anden i dit liv kan. Hun har ikke følelsesmæssige aktier i dit liv, og kan sige tingene ligeud. Skubbe dine grænser lidt, uden at overtræde dem.

Da jeg pendler ca. 50 minutter pr. vej mellem job og hjem hver dag, så ringer min kæreste og jeg næsten altid til hinanden når jeg får fri. Så tager jeg mit headset i, og vi får snakket om, hvordan vores dag har været. Det er virkelig også en kæmpe hjælp! At få tingene ud af systemet, mens de stadig er friske i erindringen, hvad enten det har været en god eller en dårlig dag.

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Den anden dag kom vi til at snakke om det der med, at have en dårlig dag. Jeg selv havde en rigtig træls dag, hvor alt syntes helt håbløst og jeg følte mig rigtig træt og trist da jeg sad i bilen på vej hjem. Jeg har lært mig selv så godt at kende, at jeg for det meste sagtens kan gå ind og pege på de ting der er sket i løbet af dagen – store som små – som kan have haft betydning for mit humør. Det kan være udefrakommende påvirkninger – noget nogen har sagt, en trist nyhed i radioen eller måske en tanke jeg selv sætter i mit hovede. Men selvom man sagtens kan udpege problemet, så ændrer det ikke ret meget på, at man har en dårlig dag. Og nogle gange er det bare lige lidt sværere, at finde troen på, at der kommer en ny og garanteret bedre dag i morgen. Det handler om at lære, at rydde op i hvad der er irrationelle tanker/følelser og hvad der egentlig er rationelt. “Det hele er bare noget møg, alt går imod mig!” (irrationel tanke) eller “Det var en dårlig dag, men det skyldes nok, at jeg har lidt lavt selvværd og nogle gange fejltolker andre menneskers handlinger” (rationel tanke). Igen kan jeg anbefale APP’en Buddhify, og særlig den meditaionsøvelse som hedder RAIN. Den finder du inde under “Feeling Stressed” kategorien. Den lærer dig nemlig, at rydde op i irrationelle og rationelle tankemønstre. At anerkende de irrationelle for det de er, så du kan tænke mere rationelt og klart og komme videre derfra.

Jeg kan godt lide, at forestille mig et rum oppe i mit hoved. I det ene hjørne er mine irrationelle tankemønstre; fx mit lave selvværd (ikke at forveksle med selvtillid, for det har jeg faktisk masser af – ellers ville jeg jo aldrig have kastet mig ud i at oprette min Youtube kanal), som gør mig lidt overfølsom somme tider. I det andet hjørne er mine rationelle tankemønstre; hvad vil jeg egentlig gerne med mit liv fx. Når jeg har en dårlig dag, så bliver det hele blandet sammen i midten af rummet. Og her hjælper RAIN meditationsøvelsen mig med, at få tingene sat tilbage hvor de hører til.

Jeg tror ikke løsningen er, at man “bare skal tænke positivt”. For hvis man bare kunne det, så gjorde man det jo. Jeg tror mere på, at løsningen er, at acceptere, at man har en dårlig dag. Lade dagen være dårlig, hvis det er dét man har brug for, i stedet for at bruge ekstra energi på, “bare at tænke positivt”. At tvinge sig selv til at gøre noget, man tilsyneladende ikke “bare” kan lige nu. Det vigtige her er, at man minder sig selv om, at en god gang nattesøvn kan gøre rigtig meget, og at dagen i morgen – eller måske først i overmorgen – garanteret er meget bedre. At huske sig selv på, at der kommer bedre dage, selvom de føles meget fjerne lige nu. Når først den gode dag igen kommer, så er det pludselig den dårlige dag som virker fjern! Giver det mening? Det er faktisk videnskabeligt bevidst, at hjernen udskiller ophobede affaldsstoffer når man sover. Så igen – en god nattesøvn gør underværker.

I stedet for at slå mig selv oven i hovedet over, at jeg da ikke bare kan være i godt humør, så forsøger jeg at gøre nogle andre lidt mere proaktive ting, når jeg har en dårlig dag. Hører en god playliste som giver mig god energi i kroppen, enten inden, på vej til eller nogle gange endda mens jeg sidder ved mit skrivebord på jobbet. Grøn te eller kamille te, en frugtskål, et glas lunt mælk med honning og meditation er virkelig også lifesavere for mig. Og ikke mindst fysisk træning. Jeg træner lige nu (så vidt muligt) 20 minutter hver morgen inden arbejde, men 30 minutter 3 gange om ugen gør også underværker for både min krop og mit sind. Der skal sjældent meget til.

Så her har i mine umiddelbare tips til, at klare de dårlige dage. Har I selv nogle uundværlige tips, I gerne vil dele med mig?

/  Sometimes I wish that we learned more about what it’s like to have a full time job while you are under education. Most educations have internships, but there is just simply no real manual on stepping into adulthood. Of course this is “learning by doing” which is very effective and educational in itself. But also tough. Personally I think it has been – and is – a hard journey to go through. Fortunately, I have good, loving people around me, a good job and especially my boyfriend is a huge support. We go through many of the same things, especially because we both have a past as children in fosterhomes, and before then experienced some things that makes adulthood a little bit more difficult to handle sometimes.

But of course, you don’t need to have had a difficult childhood to find it hard to “grow up”. I’m sure many who have had a more common and secure childhood can easily relate to it. I remember that I read an article once that said that many young people (women) today reach a smaller “crisis” in the middle of 20s. I myself regularly see a therapist/coach, and I have done that since the spring of 2016. How often I go differs from time to time, but it is typically about every 2 months or just when I need it. My therapist helps me “come to the surface” and breathe deeply on days where I think everything is extra hard. Whenever I go I am always full of renewed energy and feel ready to get back into the game. To hang in, and rely a little more on myself. A coach or therapist is really recommended, no matter what background you have – it’s just so nice to have someone who can hold your hand and guide you in a completely different way than anyone else in your life. She has no emotional shares in your life, and can say things as they are. Push your limits a little, without violating them.

I have a commute about 50 minutes per. drive between job and home every day, and I always call my boyfriend when I’m off work. I put on my headset, and we get to talk about how our day was. It really is so helpful! To get the things out of the system while they are still fresh in your memory, whether it has been a good or a bad day.

The other day we came to talk about having a bad day. I had a really tiresome day where everything seemed hopeless and I felt really tired and sad as I sat in the car on the way home. I know myself so well now, that I mostly can easily go in and point out the things that have happened during the day – large and small – that may have affected my mood. It may be outside influences; something someone has said, sad news on the radio or perhaps a thought I put in my head myself. But even though you can easily identify the problem it does not change very much that you have a bad day. And sometimes it’s just a little harder to find the belief that there is a new and guaranteed better day tomorrow. It is about learning to clean up what is irrational thoughts/feelings and what actually is rational. “It’s all just crap, everything is going against me!” (Irrational thought) or “It was a bad day, but it is probably because I have low self-esteem and sometimes misinterpret the actions of others” (rational thought). Again, I recommend the APP Buddhify, and particularly the meditation practice called RAIN. You will find it inside the “Feeling Stressed” category. It teaches you, to clean up the irrational and rational thought patterns. To recognize the irrational for what they are, so you can think more rationally and and move forward from there.

I like to imagine a room in my head. In one corner are my irrational thought patterns; for example, my low self-esteem (not to be confused with self-confidence, because I actually have great self-confidence – otherwise I would never have thrown myself into creating my Youtube channel), which makes me a little hypersensitive sometimes. In the other corner is my rational thought patterns; What would I really like to do with my life, for example. When I have a bad day, it all becomes mixed together in the middle of the room. And here the RAIN meditation exercise really helps me, to get things back where they belong.

Instead of beating myself up about why I can’t just be happy, I try to do something much more proactive when I have a bad day. Listen to a good playlist which gives me great energy, either before, on the way to or sometimes even while I am sitting at my desk at work. Green tea or chamomile tea, a fruit bowl, a glass of warm milk with honey and meditation is really also lifesavers to me. And not least physical exercise. At the moment I try to exercise (if possible) 20 minutes every morning before work, but 30 minutes 3 times a week also does wonders for both my body and my mind. It rarely takes much more effort than that.

So here you have my immediate tips to cope with the bad days. Du you have any other tips you would like to share with me?

2 Comments on How to survive bad days.

  1. LIVING WITH LESS
    6. marts 2017 at 17:47 (3 måneder ago)

    “At huske sig selv på, at der kommer bedre dage, selvom de føles meget fjerne lige nu. Når først den gode dag igen kommer, så er det pludselig den dårlige dag som virker fjern”. Hvor er det fint formuleret. Og sandt!

    Jeg mediterer hver dag – det er det der hjælper mig allerbedst ift. til at sortere mine tanker. Naturen, stilhed og en god nattesøvn gør også underværker. Og en god serie!

    Svar
  2. Tracey Shull
    8. april 2017 at 5:11 (2 måneder ago)

    Dear Signe, You are an extremely mature person to have had the courage to examine yourself and to seek counsel from a therapist to help with areas needing improvement. (Do you know how many people live all their lives without ever doing that? And an immature older person without self awareness is a sad thing to see….) I did that in my 20s and early 30s, too, seeing a therapist periodically, too, and it was a great help. I love the idea of keeping the positive, healthy thoughts in one corner of the room and the negative, unhelpful thoughts in another corner and not letting them mingle in the middle! That reminds me of the creed of Alcoholics Anonymous: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Separating the two—-the things we have power over, and the things we do not—-simplifies our lives and saves us much stress. If we stop fighting the battles which drain us but don’t add anything positive to our lives, we save that precious energy for things which we can change and which add value to our lives and to the lives of others. Daily prayer time, especially when I am stressed (the hardest time to remember to do it!) is my strength and comfort. I have been better at doing it at some times in my life than at others, and I surely notice the difference when I do and when I don’t! The “peace that passes understanding” when I do helps me remember to keep it a daily part of my life. Thank you for sharing your growth process and your practical tips for good mental health. Love and hugs, Tracey

    Svar

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